A Thought on Integrity

I attended a seminar a few weeks back on “Leadership through Storytelling.” Basically, how to ensure that people listen and remember whatever message it is that we want to impart to them. About halfway through the course, the topic of values came up. The presenter asked us to list of some of the things we considered to be our values. The seminar was geared toward workers in the public sector and most of the room was cops and firefighters so things like honor, courage, truthfulness, professionalism, and accountability were thrown out. Inevitably, as someone in law enforcement always will, the word integrity was said. The speaker stopped and asked “What does that word; integrity, mean?” Answers were given. Someone said “It means being honest.” Another, “It means standing up for what’s right.” Someone else said “It means always telling the truth even when you don’t want to.” The speaker nodded and agreed and then called on one more member of the audience. The man, sitting next to me was tall and thin, and hadn’t said very much the whole day. He stood up and said something that I’ll always remember. He said “Integrity is an engineering term. It means: “Being whole. Undivided. Complete.” It’s not just about telling the truth or doing the right thing. That’s part of it. But what it really means is “how intact are your values, morals, and ethics?””

When he said that, it hit me in the gut like a Mack truck. Having integrity, is not just about being honest, telling the truth, or doing the right thing. Like he said, that’s part of it, but having integrity, means having the whole shebang, being the real deal. It means sticking to your guns, upholding ALL of your values, ALL of the time. It means telling the truth, doing what’s right because its right, standing up for what you believe in, fighting the good fight, leading from the front, having honor in spades, keeping your word as if it’s your bond. It’s every cliché you can think of and a bunch you probably haven’t. It’s being the best person that you can be. It’s being true to yourself. It’s being able to look in the mirror and like what you see. It’s being able to go to your knees at the end of each day and say “Lord, today I did the absolute best I could.”

That was one of the best lessons I think I’ve ever learned. 

So if having integrity is something that matters to you, then think about how you'll respond the next time anger, hate, or jealousy rears its ugly head in the middle of an argument or fight. Think about what having integrity really means when you've been at work too long and some last minute item pops up. Next time someone cuts you off in traffic and you're tempted to respond, remember your integrity. 

Just a thought...

A Thought on Bullying

Time and time again, I read news articles and see stories about schools who punish not only bullies but their victims and those that are willing to stand up to the bullies. This is the wrong attitude. We need to cultivate a culture where people are empowered to stand up for what is right and speak out against those that do wrong. What happened to the world where we celebrated those who stood up for the good? Instead we now punish them and try and silence them when they speak out. To paraphrase Mr. Edmund Burke, all that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men (and women) to stand by and do nothing to fight against it.

It is time for us to rethink our school policies and our personal way of thinking. The world has changed. It is not enough to simply be a good person anymore. We must actively stand for good. We have to stand up for those that can't or those that won't. Someone has to. And if not us than who? Many of the problems that our society faces today exist, simply because the public at large tolerates them. The problems are allowed to exist and grow. In years past, members of the public would address them, and fight against their growth. Now most believe its' the Police's job. But they are ill equipped to deal with these societal problems. It is still incumbent upon us to stand up in our day to day lives to fight them.

“It is not enough just to be good. We must be good for something. We must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for our presence. And the good that is in us must be spread to others. This is the measure of our civility.” - Gordon B. Hinckley​

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/family/bullied-12-year-old-girl-commits-suicide-after-school-allegedly-tells-students-to-toughen-up/ar-BBjPxSa

http://www.wptv.com/news/region-st-lucie-county/fort-pierce/student-suspended-after-she-says-she-recorded-video-of-teacher-bullying-student

http://rt.com/usa/texas-suspension-special-needs-923/

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/09/24/father-says-son-suspended-for-standing-up-to-bully/

http://gawker.com/5951998/teen-suspended-for-standing-up-to-longtime-bully-back-in-class-after-dad-spends-days-protesting-outside-school

A thought on Ethics.

There are moments in life when each of us is presented with choices to make. Sometimes these choices are easy, and sometimes they are difficult. I have always dedicated my life to trying to make the right choices as I see them. You see, I have patterned my life on a set of moral values and ethics that my upbringing and experiences have imparted in me, and for me the world is a very black and white place or at least most of the time it is. But as I get older, it seems to me that there are far more areas of differing shades of grey than I once believed. So how do we deal with those choices:  the choices where no action is one hundred percent morally or ethically right and yet the choice still needs to be made? What then?

The answer is sometimes there is no right answer. Sometimes there really are no win situations.  To some, this might seem like a pessimistic approach, but I disagree. I believe that if we acknowledge that fact, we can move on to facing whatever obstacle or challenge awaits us as a result of our choice. The key here is simply that you have to make the choice that you can live with. At the end of the day, whatever moral code or guiding principles that you subscribe to has to be satisfied. Otherwise, you will destroy yourself. There is a scene from one of my favorite TV shows that illustrates my point.  The hero is lying badly injured and perhaps dying in a hospital bed after undergoing immense hardship in order to save a major city from sure destruction. To do so, he has had to break many laws and do things that most of us would find, at the very least, unethical. However, there is still a threat out there that could potentially threaten the lives of the city’s inhabitants. The hero’s partner knows that she can stop the threat, but she will similarly have to disregard some of the same laws and rules that the hero has in order to do so. As he lays there she approaches him and asks his advice.

“ Hero: I can’t tell you what to do. I’ve been wrestling with this all my life. When I see fifteen people held hostage on a bus, everything else goes out the window, and I’ll do whatever it takes to save them and I mean whatever it takes. You know, maybe I thought, if I save them, I can save myself.”

Partner:  “Do you regret anything that you did today?”

Hero: “No. But then again, I don’t work for the FBI.”

Partner:” I don’t understand.”

Hero: “You took an oath. You made a promise to uphold the law. You cross that line, it always starts off with a small step. Before you know it, you’re running as fast as you can in the wrong direction just to justify why you started in the first place. These laws were written by much smarter men than me. And in the end, I know that these laws have to be more important than the fifteen people on the bus, I know that’s right. In my mind, I know that’s right. But I just don’t think my heart could ever have lived with that. I guess the only advice I can give you is try to make choices that you can live with.”

So folks, that’s my advice to you. Life can be difficult and eventually, we will all be faced with what seems to be an impossible situation. When no choice seems right, make the choice that is you can live with and have faith. We all have been granted the knowledge of right and wrong. We all have been given our agency to make whatever choices we choose.  But in the end, we all have to live with ourselves and God. Make sure that no matter what, when you look in the mirror, you can look yourself in the eye with self-respect, and dignity, and that on that final day, you will be able to say “I did the best that I could.”

A thought on happiness.

Happiness. Not even the Fountain of Youth, the Holy Grail, or El Dorado is more often sought after. And yet, for some, it seems so elusive. Why is that? Why is it so hard to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'm happy?" A lot of people think that we are entitled to happiness, especially here in the United States. I think that might be part of the problem, this sense of entitlement that is. No one ever promised happiness. The only guarantee we've ever been given is that no matter what, we are entitled to the pursuit of happiness. That's an interesting phrase isn't it: the pursuit of happiness? Our forefathers were wise when they first penned those words. I think they realized that happiness is not something freely given, but rather earned and they also realized that some wouldn't be willing to put in the effort to find it. Our country was founded on the belief that hard work and sacrifice is often necessary. Sometimes we have to put things ahead of our own wants and needs. Unfortunately I think that that principal has fallen on deaf ears when it comes to a lot of my own generation. A lot of people also believe that happiness is equal to the amount of money and stuff one can acquire. Realistically, I can say, that I do enjoy being able to go out to dinner, or to go rent a movie, but I don't think that's where true happiness comes from. Those things are just the icing on the proverbial cake. No, I think that true happiness can be found in the sense of purpose and service we find in our lives, in the relationships we enjoy, and in the small, quiet moments away from this loud and crazed world. Some of the happiest people I've known in my life were the quietest, most unimposing people. They been through good times and bad times, they'd lost loved ones, they'd endured hardships, but there were also four qualities that they all exhibited that I think are the true secrets to happiness. First, it seems to me that they'd lost themselves in the service of their fellow man. I guess what I mean is, they'd given up a portion of themselves in order to serve others: their time, money, or effort. Have you ever seen someone doing selfless service for another angrily? It seems almost impossible to me. The second quality that unites them is their family lives. One friend of mine goes home to his wife and dog each night in a small, rundown, one bedroom studio in a crime ridden part of the city. It’s kind of a bleak picture, not one that screams success. But every time he walks in that door, he has a smile on his face. He doesn't have the nicest car, or the latest electronic gadgets, or even a cell phone, but he has a wife who loves him dearly and a dog that thinks he walks on water. That is what makes him happy. Another man that I've always considered one of the happiest men I know is a small, unimposing man that works as a general handyman/plumber. Each day he comes home streaked with sweat, tired, dirty, and worn out, but he knows he's put in a good, honest day and that his wife and children will be waiting for him. He also has never failed to answer the call of those in need. His small, older home is always open to someone who needs a meal, or a place to stay. His heart breaks to see someone in need. He might not be the most successful, or the richest, but he is one of the happiest. The third quality they share is character. By this I mean they have committed themselves to upholding their morals, virtues, and ideals, no matter what. When you make that choice, the rest of life's choices become easy. They have decided to live their lives in such a way that at the end of the day, they can live with themselves. Nothing breeds unhappiness like a troubled conscious. It nags at you on and on until it either destroys you, or you right it. The last quality that they all exhibit is hope. Hope in faith, hope in themselves and their families, and hope in the world. Happy people are not cynics, or pessimists. They see the good in people. Each and every person you meet is fighting his or her own battles and undergoing their own struggles. When you see that, you see who they really are and why they act the way they do. When that happens, you can love them instead of getting angry or upset. So here's what it all boils down to: if you’re feeling unhappy, go find your wife/girlfriend, or your husband/boyfriend, or a sibling, or maybe mom and dad, and just give them a hug. The next time an argument springs up, remind yourself that whatever you’re arguing about probably isn't that important in the long run. Go out and make someone’s life better. Pay for the guy behind you's dinner, hold the door open for someone, stop and pick up the trash that someone left, whatever it is, serve your fellow man. Make up your mind about what you believe and stick to it, no matter what. Always try and make the choice that you can live with. After all, at the end of the day, the only person you have to answer to is yourself and God. Lastly, try and see the good in the world. Even with all its downfalls, good is out there. Just go out and find it! Try and do these things without a smile, I dare you!

A thought on failure.

One of the questions I always used to find myself asking was "What is my purpose here?" I used to have this plan for my life: where I wanted to be, how my family would turn out, what job I was going to have, even what kind of home I wanted. But I never could get all the pieces to fit together just right. If it wasn't one thing, it was something else. I went from always knowing success to all of a sudden knowing failure, defeat. No matter what I did, something would happen to dash my ambition. Failure. Its an interesting word. Its so negative, so final. I used to say that I'd never fail at anything I really wanted. I've learned that that's not true. In life, we will experience failure. We will be defeated. We will fall, sometimes through no fault of our own. That's just the way life works. But the true test is this: Will we get back up? No failure no matter how devastating and overwhelming is complete if we refuse to give up. I don't know if our destiny or fate is predetermined or not, I don't believe it is, but regardless, we must always retain hope that things will turn out however they are supposed to be. This has been such a hard lesson for me, but I think that perhaps I've finally come to understand it. Keep your hopes alive. Keep dreaming. Keep fighting!

A Thought on Courage and the Courageous

In today’s world, many qualities are admired: wealth, power, beauty, even sarcasm.  Things like honor, and duty, and integrity are often undermined in the all-consuming rat race that now dominates the world. While wealth, power, and beauty are not inherently bad things, there are qualities that are more important, and that time is better spent pursuing. One of them is courage. Courage. One simple, two syllable word that represents so much of what the human spirit is comprised of. It never ceases to amaze me how much courage a single person can possess. I don’t speak of the false image of courage that society has painted for us; courage painted by a manipulation of facts, or exaggerated through embellishment and then paraded on T.V. , the newspaper, and over the radio. On the contrary, I speak of the quiet, determined, courage that only manifests itself under the direst of circumstances. This courage is as a chunk of coal; refined, and purified through tremendous pressure until a stunning diamond is created. This courage is rare. This courage does not manifest itself in victory, but far more often in failure. The courage that I speak of is found in those lonely souls who always seem to fight, and fight, and fight, and yet never seem to gain the inches that they so valiantly strive for but who continue to keep fighting anyway. The indomitable spirit, the need to persevere no matter what; that’s courage. You want to see courage? Don’t look for the mountain climber who climbs the tallest peaks, after all, he likes to climb mountains. Don’t look to the warrior who runs into battle, he’s trained to fight. Instead, look to the youth who has been dealt the lowest hand life has to offer, who has had his dreams trodden on for as long as he can remember and yet he still maintains his hope for a better life and seeks to change his circumstances.   That’s courage.  Often, the truly courageous are those who endure mortality’s hardships without complaint, with a smile upon their lips, thankful for the hope that this life provides for them.  They are often the quiet ones, going about their business without pride or vanity, seeking to make the world better than they found it.  To many, they may seem ordinary, unremarkable, and not worth a second glance. But underneath the exterior, lies the diamond in the rough. So the next time you need a hero, try and fine one of these people. Chances are you know one.    

A Thought on Standing for Something

I was reading a book entitled "Standing for Something" earlier today. One of the chapters is on honesty and integrity. These phrases might not mean much to some, but their importance could not be more paramount in the society in which we live. Far too often honor, virtue, integrity, and honesty are undermined and devalued by those whos' greed and lust for power demand the shortest possible route to "getting ahead," regardless of the consequences, the people they hurt, or the sacrifice of their own moral character. Fulfillment of personal desires become the all-consuming purpose of these peoples' lives. Promises are broken, character eroded, covenants shattered, families destroyed. Lies, greed, and lust become their cohorts. It is a never ending spiral downward into a life that is sure to be filled with heartbreak, despair, and mourning. Unfortunately the world we live in has made this type of life an all-too-possible reality for us all.  At our colleges and universities it has become almost expected for students to break underage drinking and illegal drug laws or to cheat on a test or two. At our businesses, it has become acceptable to cut corners in order to increase profit margins.  In our personal lives it has become OK to lie to our loved ones. Nearly daily the news services carry a story on some CEO or unscrupulous business man defrauding his company or his clients of money, or of some masked man holding up a store or bank. The picture is dark and bleak. It has been said that no man can be honest all the time. I disagree. It starts with an individual choice, a choice to stand for something! 

"Very Simply we cannot be less than honest, we cannot be less than true, we cannot be less than virtuous if we are to keep sacred the trust given us by those who have gone before us, or if we are to merit the trust and confidence of those with whom we live, work, and associate. Once it was said among our people that a man's word was as good as his bond. Shall any of us be less reliable, less honest than our fore bearers? Those who are dishonest with others canker their souls and soon learn that they cannot trust even themselves." -Gordon B. Hinckley "Standing for Something"

So my friends, stand for integrity and honesty, stand for honor and virtue. Stand for the truth and what is right. Plant your feet where you stand and refuse to yield even an inch to lies, deception, and greed. Seek after the good in life. When faced with a dilemma, always do the morally right thing, even if it isn't easy or popular. Be courageous in the fight for truth and justice. Be the person who's word really is as good as their bond, for if a man's word means nothing, of what worth is the man?