A Thought on Flag Burning

There’s been a lot about flag burning in the news and on social media lately. There have been cries from well-meaning patriots to outlaw the practice, impose fines and jail time, and even make it a felony. While I personally find the act reprehensible, I think there’s more than at stake here that just what appears on the surface.

For better or worse, the flag has different meanings to us all. Some see it as a sign of freedom. Some see it as a sign of nationalism. Others a sign of racial inequality. Some simply see it as the standard of the United States of America. But to others, it means so much more. To some, the flag represents their hero; their son, daughter, mother or father, brother or sister, husband or wife, who gave their life in the service of their country. It drapes their coffin and stands as a symbol that their life had purpose and their death was not in vain. It represents the promise of the American People to families of the fallen that we will never forget their sacrifice and that we are forever grateful for their service and that we owe them a debt that can never be repaid.

To others, the flag represents American Exceptionalism, or the idea that the United States of America is the greatest country in the world. To those that subscribe to this belief, the flag stands as a symbol of hope, courage, bravery, and the freedom to pursue one’s dreams. It stands for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It stands as a stark reminder of all the times America has stood up against the evil forces of the world and said “Not on my watch.” It reminds them of all the good our country has done and continues to do. It represents the movement to bring freedom to all peoples of the world.

Still to others, the flag is seen in other, more negative ways. It reminds them of the faults of our country and the difficulties we still continue to face. It reminds them that inequality, poverty, and discrimination still exist even after all these years. In those red stripes, they see the protests, crime, violence, and injustice that sometimes plagues us as a nation.  They feel marginalized, hated, and victimized because their American Dream has turned out to be a nightmare.

The thing about our flag though is it represents all of these views and they are all legitimate. Our flag is a symbol of who we are as a nation, as a culture, and as a people. It represents us all. It represents the liberty that we have to have our own opinions and views on any topic we wish and to express that opinion without fear of reprisal or censorship. It represents our freedom. And to me, that is worth protecting.

To those who seek to outlaw flag burning, I get it. It’s about respect and honor. But if we did that, we lose a part of who we are. There’s a quote from Star Trek: The Next Generation that reads: "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured...the first thought forbidden...the first freedom denied – chains us all, irrevocably."

If we outlaw flag burning, we take away peoples’ rights to self-expression and we limit freedom. To me, that’s a blow to who we are, and to what makes America great. Sometimes this is what our freedom costs. Sometimes it means looking right in the eye of someone doing something you hate, and respecting their right do it. It means trusting in our Constitution. It means recognizing that those that fought and died for us, fought and died for them too and for them to have the right to do what they are doing.  Freedom is costly. Freedom is messy and sometimes uncomfortable, but I can promise you, it IS worth it.

“Don’t let anyone tell you that America’s best days are behind her, that the American Spirit has been vanquished. We’ve seen is triumph too often in our lives to stop believing in it now.” – Ronald Reagan

A Thought on Integrity

I attended a seminar a few weeks back on “Leadership through Storytelling.” Basically, how to ensure that people listen and remember whatever message it is that we want to impart to them. About halfway through the course, the topic of values came up. The presenter asked us to list of some of the things we considered to be our values. The seminar was geared toward workers in the public sector and most of the room was cops and firefighters so things like honor, courage, truthfulness, professionalism, and accountability were thrown out. Inevitably, as someone in law enforcement always will, the word integrity was said. The speaker stopped and asked “What does that word; integrity, mean?” Answers were given. Someone said “It means being honest.” Another, “It means standing up for what’s right.” Someone else said “It means always telling the truth even when you don’t want to.” The speaker nodded and agreed and then called on one more member of the audience. The man, sitting next to me was tall and thin, and hadn’t said very much the whole day. He stood up and said something that I’ll always remember. He said “Integrity is an engineering term. It means: “Being whole. Undivided. Complete.” It’s not just about telling the truth or doing the right thing. That’s part of it. But what it really means is “how intact are your values, morals, and ethics?””

When he said that, it hit me in the gut like a Mack truck. Having integrity, is not just about being honest, telling the truth, or doing the right thing. Like he said, that’s part of it, but having integrity, means having the whole shebang, being the real deal. It means sticking to your guns, upholding ALL of your values, ALL of the time. It means telling the truth, doing what’s right because its right, standing up for what you believe in, fighting the good fight, leading from the front, having honor in spades, keeping your word as if it’s your bond. It’s every cliché you can think of and a bunch you probably haven’t. It’s being the best person that you can be. It’s being true to yourself. It’s being able to look in the mirror and like what you see. It’s being able to go to your knees at the end of each day and say “Lord, today I did the absolute best I could.”

That was one of the best lessons I think I’ve ever learned. 

So if having integrity is something that matters to you, then think about how you'll respond the next time anger, hate, or jealousy rears its ugly head in the middle of an argument or fight. Think about what having integrity really means when you've been at work too long and some last minute item pops up. Next time someone cuts you off in traffic and you're tempted to respond, remember your integrity. 

Just a thought...

A Thought on the Meaning of Life

A lot of people have considered the question of “the meaning of life” as one of man’s greatest inquiries. And while I won’t discredit any of the great philosophers’ theories, I think I have stumbled upon the answer quite by accident. The meaning of life is love. Religious views aside, most of us would agree that we are here to be good, moral people. But I think that our obligation and purpose goes deeper than that.

I was in traffic the other day when I saw a young woman across the way, trying, quite futilely, to push her very obviously broken down car out of traffic. Before I had a chance to turn around and help her, a homeless man who was selling papers in the median, what appeared to be a business man in a suit, and a gentleman out for a bicycle ride had all stopped to help her. The cause of love, through service, had brought them all together. It was such an amazing thing to watch unfold.

That’s what life is about: love.

 As humans, it is in our nature to do good, to help one another, to provide hope to others in this dark world. And we are put here to do just that; to lift the down trodden, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and love those in need.  It’s quite simple, and yet amazingly beautiful and elegant all at the same time.

Or it could just be 42…. I guess we will never know. 

A Thought on Love

This evening I witnessed an older lady helping an older man out of a truck and into a wheelchair. They were both dressed rather nicely. She got a blanket and wrapped him up and gave him a kiss and they went in to a little coffee shop. I couldn't help but think: "Date night." It was so cute. It was a perfect little reminder that true love not only spans into the eternities, but that it can overcome all the hardships of this life: the maladies and infirmities, the jealousy and hate, the pride and contention and anything else mortality can throw at it. But the lesson to be learned from these two is this: lasting love is always a choice. It may begin with a feeling, but we must consciously choose to love another if there is to be any hope of that feeling growing into something more. And when we choose to love someone, it cannot be conditional. We can't choose to love someone based upon our circumstances, or what happens in the world. We can't choose to love parts or portions of an individual or choose to withhold our love when we think the person is undeserving. To do so is a sign of jealousy, fear, and selfishness. These are the antithesis of love. True love must be selfless.

To truly love someone is the greatest of all sacrifices because when we choose to, we remove our wants, our desires and our needs from the equation and instead choose to put someone else ahead of ourselves. Love can hurt though. It can wound us in such a way as nothing else can. It can come with such a high cost that some wonder if it is worth it.  I can tell you from experience that it is. Even with its cost, love will always be worth it.  Indeed, it is probably the only thing that ever was.

So when you choose to love someone, know what your undertaking. Know the risks, and the costs. Know what love entails. And then do it anyway. After all, as they say, "Love is what makes the world go round."

A Thought on the What Matters Most

Every once in a while, life puts us in circumstances that force us to reflect on our own mortality. We think on those things which mean the most to us. I always find it interesting that more often than not these thoughts almost always focus on the people in our lives. Well, perhaps not necessarily in our lives, but those who have touched our lives, whether they are still with us or not. Sometimes they are good memories; Christmases, birthdays, or other holidays, dinners, parties, and celebrations, quiet moments spent in a warm embrace, or long philosophical talks on the problems or the world. Sometimes they are just memories of singing at the top of your lungs on a long car ride with someone. Other times they are thoughts of regret; missed opportunities or connections, loss, grief, or thoughts of “what could have been.” But even these moments give us insight into ourselves and who we’ve become. They are a testament to the lives that we’ve built. They offer sufficient proof that we cared enough about something or someone to love and miss them. And that is a beautiful thing.

It is in these moments of thorough introspection that we reflect on the times which have had the most impact upon our hearts, our minds, and on who we’ve become as a person. When I reflect on the memories which matter most to me, I realize that in the moment they were created, I almost always failed to appreciate how much they would matter to me down the road. Of all the expensive vacations, the adrenaline filled adventures, the fun filled parties, or the thrilling nights on the town, the moments that stick with me are the quiet times when I truly connected with someone. Sometimes it is these unobtrusive, seemingly ordinary events that have the largest impact upon us, and most of the time we don’t even realize it at the time. I guess what I’m getting at is this: life is not about making the most money, or having the coolest, most expensive things, it isn’t about the dream job, or the house on a hill, most of the time it’s not even about impacting the world. Life is about loving people. It’s about embracing them and connecting with them. It’s about engaging them. It’s about creating memories. Make time for those people in your life. Make time for those tiny, little moments that you may not think matter, because I guarantee you that they will someday, and more often than not, that realization comes too late.  We are all granted a very finite amount of time on this earth and few, if any, of us know just how long that time is. Just recognize that and embrace those people who matter the most, whoever they are. And don’t forget to tell them how you feel about them. We all forget to do that far too often. And it truly matters. Trust me on that one.

What Matters Most

A Thought on the People in Our Lives

I ran across a few quotes this evening that got me thinking. Judy Garland once said "Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else." And while I think there’s some truth to that, I think we also have to acknowledge the profound impact those in our lives have on who we are. And that brings me to the second quote. This one is by Flavia Weedn. "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."

We may be the sum total of our experiences, but a huge ingredient to that whole package is who we choose to associate with. As I get older and more and more people come into my life, and some leave, this becomes all the more apparent. For example, our value systems, our beliefs, even our prejudices are defined or at least influenced by our friends and family. The same goes for our language, culture, and the food we eat. We even pick up catch phrases and mannerisms from our loved ones.  We become a melting pot of what we deem to be the greatest qualities of those in our lives in order to become the best version of who we want to be. That is the purpose of our loved ones: to help us grow.

There was someone who was in my life for a while and then, sadly, had to leave. And I’m still coming to terms with that. I’ve wished, and hoped, and prayed to find my way back to her but sometimes people just aren’t meant to stay in our lives. At first I tried to cut out all the experiences and memories we had made together, and while that helped with the sadness, all the happiness was gone to. And the happiness far outweighed the sadness. The bottom line is, that that wasn’t the right way to do it. Instead, I’ve become thankful for all those times and I’ve come to realize that she helped me become who I am today. I’ve always hated change, but I suppose that is what life is about; growth, and change. And when you get right down to it, that is a beautiful thing.

A Thought on New Year's.

New Year’s, contrary to what those closest to me think, is actually my favorite holiday. It is a day dedicated to the notion of Hope. Hope. It’s such a simple concept and yet it is at the same time, so complex and so powerful. It is said, that with Hope, all things are possible. I believe in that statement, because at the end of the day, even through Life’s greatest struggles, if we can hold on to Hope, we can endure. We can climb back out of the deepest, darkest places in our lives and rise again, stronger than ever before.

I find it fitting that New Year’s is both a celebration of the New as well as the Old. One cannot exist without the other. As we reflect on our past, we prepare for our future. Just as each practice prepares an athlete for the next competition, each moment in our life prepares us for the next and for all those to come.

 Today is a new day; a day to start things off right, a day to change our stars. But it is also a day to remember those that we’ve lost, and to pay homage to their memories. It is a day to learn from our past mistakes and to reflect on the lessons that life has taught us.  It is a time for us to have a new beginning, a new start, a new and clean slate. It is a time to start over. New Years is a chance for redemption, and that is the greatest gift of all.

 This New Year’s I hope that you remember what this time is about. Take the chance to start over. Take the chance to do good in the world. We need more of it. Be someone’s miracle or dream come true. Grant a wish.  Love someone. Be a light in a world so often filled with despair, and turmoil, and darkness. In the words of John Rzeznik, “Tonight’s the night the world begins again.”  So wherever you find yourself this New Year’s, I wish you a happy and hope filled New Year. May 2013 be better than ever before.

A thought on happiness.

Happiness. Not even the Fountain of Youth, the Holy Grail, or El Dorado is more often sought after. And yet, for some, it seems so elusive. Why is that? Why is it so hard to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'm happy?" A lot of people think that we are entitled to happiness, especially here in the United States. I think that might be part of the problem, this sense of entitlement that is. No one ever promised happiness. The only guarantee we've ever been given is that no matter what, we are entitled to the pursuit of happiness. That's an interesting phrase isn't it: the pursuit of happiness? Our forefathers were wise when they first penned those words. I think they realized that happiness is not something freely given, but rather earned and they also realized that some wouldn't be willing to put in the effort to find it. Our country was founded on the belief that hard work and sacrifice is often necessary. Sometimes we have to put things ahead of our own wants and needs. Unfortunately I think that that principal has fallen on deaf ears when it comes to a lot of my own generation. A lot of people also believe that happiness is equal to the amount of money and stuff one can acquire. Realistically, I can say, that I do enjoy being able to go out to dinner, or to go rent a movie, but I don't think that's where true happiness comes from. Those things are just the icing on the proverbial cake. No, I think that true happiness can be found in the sense of purpose and service we find in our lives, in the relationships we enjoy, and in the small, quiet moments away from this loud and crazed world. Some of the happiest people I've known in my life were the quietest, most unimposing people. They been through good times and bad times, they'd lost loved ones, they'd endured hardships, but there were also four qualities that they all exhibited that I think are the true secrets to happiness. First, it seems to me that they'd lost themselves in the service of their fellow man. I guess what I mean is, they'd given up a portion of themselves in order to serve others: their time, money, or effort. Have you ever seen someone doing selfless service for another angrily? It seems almost impossible to me. The second quality that unites them is their family lives. One friend of mine goes home to his wife and dog each night in a small, rundown, one bedroom studio in a crime ridden part of the city. It’s kind of a bleak picture, not one that screams success. But every time he walks in that door, he has a smile on his face. He doesn't have the nicest car, or the latest electronic gadgets, or even a cell phone, but he has a wife who loves him dearly and a dog that thinks he walks on water. That is what makes him happy. Another man that I've always considered one of the happiest men I know is a small, unimposing man that works as a general handyman/plumber. Each day he comes home streaked with sweat, tired, dirty, and worn out, but he knows he's put in a good, honest day and that his wife and children will be waiting for him. He also has never failed to answer the call of those in need. His small, older home is always open to someone who needs a meal, or a place to stay. His heart breaks to see someone in need. He might not be the most successful, or the richest, but he is one of the happiest. The third quality they share is character. By this I mean they have committed themselves to upholding their morals, virtues, and ideals, no matter what. When you make that choice, the rest of life's choices become easy. They have decided to live their lives in such a way that at the end of the day, they can live with themselves. Nothing breeds unhappiness like a troubled conscious. It nags at you on and on until it either destroys you, or you right it. The last quality that they all exhibit is hope. Hope in faith, hope in themselves and their families, and hope in the world. Happy people are not cynics, or pessimists. They see the good in people. Each and every person you meet is fighting his or her own battles and undergoing their own struggles. When you see that, you see who they really are and why they act the way they do. When that happens, you can love them instead of getting angry or upset. So here's what it all boils down to: if you’re feeling unhappy, go find your wife/girlfriend, or your husband/boyfriend, or a sibling, or maybe mom and dad, and just give them a hug. The next time an argument springs up, remind yourself that whatever you’re arguing about probably isn't that important in the long run. Go out and make someone’s life better. Pay for the guy behind you's dinner, hold the door open for someone, stop and pick up the trash that someone left, whatever it is, serve your fellow man. Make up your mind about what you believe and stick to it, no matter what. Always try and make the choice that you can live with. After all, at the end of the day, the only person you have to answer to is yourself and God. Lastly, try and see the good in the world. Even with all its downfalls, good is out there. Just go out and find it! Try and do these things without a smile, I dare you!